Pop star, actor, and eternal queer icon Olly Alexander just tore down the glittery curtain to reveal the very real, very raw pain he’s carried — and the strength it took to face it.
In a brutally honest conversation on Man Made, the 34-year-old opened up about years of battling depression, self-harm, and bulimia. “I was cutting myself, I was bulimic… I was making myself ill,” he said, recalling his chaotic childhood marked by his parents’ divorce and the struggle to navigate his sexuality in secret. “I hid this from my mum for a long, long time.”
For Alexander, who dazzled Europe this year as the UK’s Eurovision entrant and melted hearts as the lead in It’s A Sin, the journey to healing wasn’t a one-episode arc. It was messy, long, and full of hidden pain. In his teens and early twenties, the pop star confessed he was engaging in what he called “harmful behaviors,” saying he lived with “an irregular heart” from the toll of his eating disorder.
And how did he finally begin to heal? “It wasn’t until I signed a record deal and my manager said, ‘You should start seeing a therapist… you can afford it,’” Alexander said. That therapist? He’s still seeing them today.
Shame, Control, and Queer Survival
What drove him into that spiral? “It’s about trying to get some control back into your life,” he shared. “I really hated myself.”
Alexander’s words hit hard for many in the queer community, where shame and internalized trauma often grow quietly in the shadows. “It’s weird. It’s a shame thing,” he said, adding that punishment and self-hate became twisted forms of control when life felt too out of hand.
“It’s about me trying to order myself… You start doing things… it comes from that place of shame.”
That internalized shame is something many LGBTQ+ youth still face, especially in environments where queerness is met with rejection, silence, or outright hostility. Alexander naming it — plainly, painfully — feels like a lifeline thrown into the dark. He may be a pop star, but he’s also proof that therapy works, vulnerability is power, and healing is not only possible — it’s beautiful.
A Foundation Worth Fighting For
Alexander ended the conversation on a hopeful note: “I don’t always feel amazing, but I feel I’ve been on a journey… and the foundation I have within myself is now really strong.”
That’s the queer blueprint right there — not perfection, not performance, but process. His story is a reminder that healing isn’t linear, and you don’t need to be fabulous all the time to be worthy of love, care, and survival.
And while he’ll always give us glam on stage, it’s this version of Olly — scarred, strong, and honest — that truly dazzles.