Marissa Lasoff-Santos and her spouse’s journey through love and gender transition provides a powerful testament to the resilience of relationships and the fluidity of sexual identities. Lasoff-Santos, a 33-year-old librarian from Michigan, fell deeply in love with her girlfriend, who initially identified as bisexual. As their relationship evolved, her partner transitioned to a male identity, and the couple now proudly identifies as queer, demonstrating the strength of their bond.
“We’ve always just had this deep connection, so that’s why, like, I never stopped loving him throughout any of this,” Lasoff-Santos shares. “I’ve become more attracted to him. I guess part of it is just, like, that confidence in him and, like, he just seems so happy.”
The Journey of Transition
Lasoff-Santos’ experience highlights that a partner’s gender transition does not necessarily mark the end of a marriage. Despite limited data, couples and therapists suggest that many relationships can thrive and grow with the newfound honesty that accompanies such transitions. These relationships underscore the resilience of love, the flexibility of sexual identity, and the diversity within LGBTQ partnerships.
Kristie Overstreet, a sexologist and psychotherapist, notes that about 2 in 5 relationships survive a gender transition. Kelly Wise, a sex therapist, estimates that about half of the relationships involving a gender transition in his practice end, often due to a variety of reasons. However, those that endure reflect a deeper connection and understanding between partners.
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Support and Community
For Avril Clark and her spouse, Lucy, the journey through gender transition brought about significant changes. Lucy, a soccer referee, came out as transgender in 2018, which brought both attention and challenges to their relationship. Avril, who operates Distinction Support, an online network for partners of trans and nonbinary people, emphasizes the importance of finding supportive communities.
“I needed somebody to talk to that knew how I was feeling,” Avril says. “And I looked around, and there weren’t any groups that were for me.” Distinction Support has since grown significantly, reflecting the increasing need for such networks.
The Reddit group r/mypartneristrans also serves as a vital resource, offering a supportive and educational space for partners of trans and gender-diverse individuals. With 61,000 members, the group discusses various topics, from handling familial relations to navigating changes in sexual orientation.
Personal Experiences
For those in same-sex relationships, a partner’s gender transition can lead to both challenges and self-discovery. Lasoff-Santos, who once questioned if she could ever be married to a man, finds herself in a fulfilling marriage with her husband, who began his transition in 2018. They welcomed a son in 2021, and their family life continues to evolve with understanding and love.
Emily Wilkinson, from near Seattle, and her partner Cameron, who began transitioning last year, share a similar story. While Emily’s perception of their love has changed, Cameron feels their relationship remains as strong as ever. They navigate their journey with open communication and mutual support.
Rhiannon Rippke-Koch from Iowa recalls her first outing with her recently transitioned wife, Sophia, in Des Moines. The experience was transformative, allowing Sophia to embrace her new identity fully. Rhiannon’s support in this journey, from shopping for feminine attire to enjoying previously denied experiences, has brought them closer than ever.
Conclusion
The stories of Lasoff-Santos, the Clarks, and many others illustrate that love can transcend gender transitions. These relationships highlight the importance of resilience, open communication, and community support in navigating the complexities of gender identity and partnership. As society continues to evolve, these stories serve as a testament to the enduring power of love and the fluidity of human identity.