TL;DR
- Political debates on LGBTQ families affect children.
- Children hear harmful messages from lawmakers.
- Families are considering relocating for safety.
- LGBTQ families want to be acknowledged, not erased.
- Real families deserve support and protection.
It was just another chaotic Thursday night for us, the kind of night that every parent knows too well. My partner and I were huddled on the bathroom floor with our teenage daughter, who was battling a nasty stomach bug. Between laundry loads and checking her temperature, we tried to coax her into sipping water, all while feeling the exhaustion of the night creep in. By morning, we were relieved to see her starting to feel better, but it was a stark reminder of the ordinary life we lead as a family.
But here’s the kicker: while we’re busy doing the mundane parenting thing—helping with homework, shuttling to activities, and worrying about grades—there’s a whole circus happening in state legislatures across the country that’s directly impacting families like mine. I’m a queer mom, and my partner is a transgender dad, and we’re raising our teenager in Iowa, a state where lawmakers are debating our very existence.
This year alone, over 600 bills targeting LGBTQ+ rights were introduced, many of which aim to erase the acknowledgment of families like ours in schools, libraries, and healthcare settings. And guess what? Our kids are listening. They’re hearing the debates and the rhetoric that question their very worth and place in society.
Imagine my child, sitting there, looking at us with wide eyes and asking, “Why do they hate us so much?” It’s a question no parent ever wants to hear, and yet here we are, forced to confront the reality that our family is a political talking point.
As we try to keep life normal—making dinner, discussing college plans, reminding her to take out the trash—the political climate looms over us like a dark cloud. It’s impossible to pretend that the debates happening in the Capitol don’t seep into our home life. Our child is asking questions we never thought we’d have to answer: “Do we need to move?” or “Is it safe for me at school?”
Families like ours are not just symbols in a culture war; we are real people trying to build stable lives. Yet, the current political climate is forcing many LGBTQ+ families to consider relocating to states that might be more accepting. Some are even contemplating leaving the country altogether to escape the relentless targeting.
This is a sobering reality for many communities. While leaders talk about attracting families and building strong communities, the policies that target LGBTQ+ individuals send a different message: we are tolerated at best, and unwelcome at worst. Our children hear that loud and clear.
What’s particularly heartbreaking is how ordinary our lives are. We are neighbors, volunteers, taxpayers, and community members who want the same things as everyone else: safe schools, stable communities, and a future where our children feel they belong. Our family exists, and no law can change that.
The real question lawmakers should be asking is simple: do we want to create laws that protect and support real families, or do we want to raise children who feel they must hide their identities? As you ponder this, remember: our children are listening.
— Bethany Snyder, Family Equality board member and queer mom. Learn more about the organization’s work supporting LGBTQ+ families at familyequality.org.